Thanks to Zoe for typing this up for me!

They may be pop stars but don't you dare call them fake or cheesy. Polly Hudson meets Busted

It’s a good job Charlie Simpson is a successful musician because he’d never make it as an actor. The ludicrously tall, heart breakingly good-looking singer hates photoshoots, interviews, and basically everything to do with being in a band apart from the music - and while he’s not actually being rude, it’s obvious that he’d rather be anywhere in the world than at the heat shoot today. Or any shoot. Ever.
Together Charlie, 19, Matt, 21, and James, 20, are Busted, a band that have clocked up three number one singles, a sell out arena tour, two Brit Awards and album sales of over one and a half million so far. They despise “Pop Idol culture” as it’s made the public think all bands are “manufactured, given a new hairstyle and some clothes along with a song, and hey presto, you’re a pop star”. Because, actually, Busted weren’t manufactured. They play instruments and write their own songs - and they’ve got the royalty cheques to prove it.
And so to the interview. As Matt (funny cheeky, charming, outgoing) and James (geeky, softly spoken, sweet) often talk over excitedly, Charlie stares at the floor with his head down so low he’s practically in an aeroplane crash position. Unless a question is directed totally at him, he’s silent. By the end of the interview, we almost feel sorry for him - which, considering he’s a rich, successful international popstar, is pretty ridiculous, eh?

What’s the best thing about being in Busted
James: The free clothes and the free.. everything.
Matt: Touring.
Charlie: Free concert tickets for whatever the fuck I want.

And the worst?
C: That I can’t go to festivals, just chill out and camp amongst the crowd.
M: I went to Glastonbury and I didn’t get bothered at all.
C: But you didn’t camp.
M: No, I didn’t camp but why would you want to camp if you had a hotel?
C: Because it’s part of the fun.
M: Bollocks.

Do you get in trouble for smoking or drinking because you have a young fanbase?
C: No, that’s bullshit.
J: We do what we want to do.. and we don’t have to do what we don’t want to do.
M: We don’t really have any ground rules. Basically if one of us is being a cock, our management might ask us to stop being a cock but that’s it really.

When you get approached in the street, do you always smile nicely and sign autographs?
M: Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to tell people to fuck off.
C: Because they’re fucking rude.
M: I was in a pub yesterday, this bloke walked up and said, ‘you’re from Busted, ain't ya? I don’t really like your music but my mate’s kid’s made about ya so sign that.’ I felt like going, “No. Fuck Off.” Fucking twat.

Do people think they can touch you too?
M: That fucking pisses me off. The only time I’ve ever said anything bad to a fan was when we were doing a Saturday morning kids’ TV show. I was standing there with all of these girls around me and I had to introduce what was coming on nest. They just constantly pinched my arse! It was quite funny the first time, I was like ‘Oi, cheeky!’ but after 35 pinches, like proper pinches, I said, ‘Can you stop pinching my arse please?’

Did you think you’d ever be saying that?
M: I know. Exactly, But it hurt.
C: People come up and say, ‘I guess you’d better fucking do a signature then, go on.’ I’m like, ‘You think I want to do this?’
M: Yeah, I got up this morning with the one intention of giving you an autograph.
C: I’m fine with it if people are polite but when they’re expectant and rude, it’s just like, ‘You know what? Fuck off.’

What’s the raciest thing a fan’s ever said to you?
M: ‘My fingers are rusted from frigging over Mattie from Busted’.
C: [quietly, like he wants to die] Pubes in the post. I got sent pubes in the post.
M: A girl in Germany with scabs all round her mouth offered me fellatio.
J: And I’ve got a porn-star fan in Japan!

Do you ever get star-struck?
C: [Sighs] No.
J: At the Duran Duran party, Justin Timberlake walked into the room, and everyone turned around. He came over. Stopped. And talked to us. I was like, this is so wow!

What did he say?
J: It was just after The Brits, he said congratulations.

Were you thinking ‘Don’t say anything stupid’ to yourself?
J: More like, ‘Don’t say anything! Just say thank you and smile.’ It was weird because you meet loads of people when you’re in a band but he’s just [i]so[/i] famous.
C: I see through fame now. It doesn’t really impress me much.

You seem quite bored with it all, Charlie.
C: Fame to me is just a bit of a joke - unless it’s one of my idols. If it’s someone really famous, I’m just like, ‘Oh, OK’ I just think when you look at fame for what it really is, when you’re amongst it the whole time.. [sighs again].

Matt is it true you’ve given up boozing because it got out of hand?
M: That was just a rumour. I went out quite a lot and I’ve stopped doing that so much because I got bored of going to the same places and seeing the same people all the time.

Like Stringfellows?
M: Peter Stringfellow fucked me over. I walked in there, really pissed with a mate and Peter Stringfellow invited me to his table. He was on a throne, it was so cheesy and he had this ridiculous hair… he talks exactly like Paul Daniels. Anyway, I didn’t pay for one single thing all night, not one dance - he got me bladdered. Every time I had three quarters of a drink left, another one appeared on the stable. He got me really drunk. I was steaming, I couldn’t even stand up. We were about to leave, he asked for a photograph of me with some of the girls, so one sat on my lap, he grabbed my hand, whacked it on her arse. I was pissed, I looked dreadful… and she got her face in the paper.

Were you angry?
M: I felt like a mug because he set me up and I fell for it. But at the end of the day, fuck it, I don’t really care.

Matt, are you and your girlfriend Holly on or off at the moment
M: On.

How old is she?
M: She’s 30. We’re only recently back on, it’s still new so we’re not proposing or living together, we’re taking our time.

Did she get into trouble for going out with you because she works at your record company?
M: Kind of, but they’ve accepted it now, you can’t help who you fall for.

Has anyone ever suggested you should keep it quiet that you’ve got girlfriends?
C: No. If people don’t like what I do because I’ve got a girlfriend, I couldn’t give a shit about them. I’m a musician, not a fucking girl-pleaser.
J: At the end of the day, people should buy our records because they like them, not because they fancy us.

But aren’t they buying records because of both?
C: If they’re only buying them because of what we look like, that’s wrong.
J: There’s nothing wrong with liking a band and fancying them, but if that’s the only reason..

How are things with you and girls aloud now? Didn’t you call Nicola a minger or something?
M: I called her an ugly ginger bitch, actually. I’m a lairy young man, and I go off sometimes. She was rude to me, blanked me in a bar after their first arena gig when I tried to congratulate her.
J: I was there, for the record, and she was very rude to him.
M: Very rude. So I went off and started ranting about her to some magazine and it cause a big thing. But we’re friends now, and everything is lovely and joyous in the pop world.
J: The fake world that is pop.

And Kelly Osbourne?
M: She’s just a dick. But if you woke up to a face like that in the mirror every morning, you’d be a fucking bitch as well.
J: She made a lot of wrong comments about us, said stuff when she didn’t know what she was talking about. I think she knows she played it wrong now.

Charlie, you once snogged Heidi Sugababe didn’t you? Is it awkward when see her now?
C: [Mumbles] Sometimes.
M: [Laughing] We were in the same hotel bar as them recently - us on ones side, them totally on the other.
C: I was a bit pissed off actually, because I wanted to smoke, and I had to go over to their half, we were in the non-smoking bit. I took our drummer with me.
M: [Laughing] And our drummer doesn’t smoke! It was totally obvious; he just stood there watching Charlie smoke.

Now the eyebrows section Charlie, which I’m sure you’ve been looking forward too.
C: [Rolls his eyes] Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Have you ever thought about plucking? It’s good enough for Becks.
C: That’s gay.
J: He only does it because Posh tells him to.

What if your girlfriend asked you?
C: I’d say no.
J: My girlfriend asks me to pluck in-between mine, and I always say no. Nothing’s wrong with them.
C: Why would I care about that?

Charlie, you play guitar and sing in a band called Fightstar. What’s happening with them?
C: We’re just gigging at the moment.

Where does your heart lie - with Busted, or Fightstar?
C: They’re both totally different things.

If you had to choose..
C: You can’t compare them.

What if they both wanted you to be a full-time member of Fightstar?
C: I can’t answer that question, that decision would never have to be made. It’s not that kind of thing, it’s all about the music.

There are rumours you’re not happy in Busted.
C: There’s a lot of shit in the pop world that I hate. I’m not going to deny it, because I do hate it, but I’m having a wicked time doing this job, it’s one of the best jobs that you could ever do in the world.

But surely if you were just in Fightstar it would just be about music, none of the silly pop stuff..
C: It’s two different things. I totally enjoy doing music with Busted, and I totally enjoy doing music with Fightstar, you can’t compare. All I care about is music.

You’re going to end up a hermit recluse aren’t you?
C: [Laughs] Seriously though, some of the stuff that goes on pisses me off.

Is it worth it? Even for the music?
C: Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. When I’m on stage or in the studio, it’s fucking great, it’s what I want to do. But the fame means nothing to me at all. Nothing.