We lock Busted in our Smash Hits ice cream van and listen in as they talk girls, those Heidi Sugababes rumours and, er, poo..

Busted may be glamorous pop stars, but they're always up for earning an extra couple of quid. So we set them to work in the Smash Hits ice cream van - which we'd sneakily bugged in advance. So what do Busted talk about when they think no one's listening? Here's what..

Charlie: I'm loving this free ice cream. The whippy stuff from the vans is much better than the scoopy stuff.
James: I'd smother J.Lo in ice cream, and save some for that Jennifer Love Hewitt..
Mattie: You're sick! I think Sarah Whatmore is looking very fit. I've spoken to her a few times and she's so gorgeous. Uh-oh, here's our first customer. What would you like, love? Would you like a flake with that?
Charlie: J.Lo looked tasty at the Maid In Manhattan premiere. If I'd stayed at the party after I would have grabbed her arse. There's plenty of it.
Mattie: That thing has a mind of its own.. they need an extra car for it. I liked that night. We got a really good reception as we got out of the car. There were even fans of ours there!
James: That party was the best showbiz do I've been to. I wanted to meet J.Lo, but I left before she arrived. I was gutted because she danced with everyone after we left.
Mattie: We've had a wicked time going out recently..
Charlie: Yeah, but you always tend to have a bit too much of a good time, Mattie. You talk to everyone.
Mattie: Yeah, even you. Hahaha!

Crash and Burn

Charlie: The other day someone asked me whether we'd ever snogged the same girl. There's been a couple of fans we've all thought were fit, but we've never gone that far, have we?
James: No, that's never happened.
Mattie: Well, that's not strictly true, is it, James? We've both kissed the same girl.. at different times.
Charlie: Who? When?
Mattie: We worked out we had been part of the same acting agency ages ago. I started seeing this girl at school and then James had an audition with her where he had to snog her.
James: I remember her. You had me worried then. I'll serve this old lady. What's that, love? A Fab? Coming up..
Mattie: Charlie, has a girl ever blown you out, mate?
Charlie: It's only happened the once, at a disco when I was younger. I asked this girl, Daisy, to dance and she said no. She knows my friends and somebody reminded her about it recently and she totally denied it.
Mattie: When I was on holiday in Hastings when I was 13, I snogged this girl at a disco. Then I went to talk to my mum and when I got back, the girl was snogging someone else!
James: I've never been badly blown out. I have to really like a girl to get involved with her, and since I've been in Busted I've not met anyone I like that much.
Mattie: Charlie, have you had any more grief about Heidi Sugababes?
Charlie: All Heidi and I do is talk and everyone reckons we're a couple. She's a mate and it's been blown out of all proportion.
Mattie: Even when we were in Germany, they were saying, 'So iz it true you are zeeing Heidi from ze Sugababes?' That rumour's travelled continents, man.. Ooh, someone's waiting. Sorry, we don't do hot dogs.
James: Do you remember when people thought we got a Porsche each when we signed our record deal?
Charlie: That would have been nice..
James: Porsches are a bit of a girl's car. I'm a DeLorean man to be honest, after watching Back To The Future.
Mattie: Hey, I once heard a rumour that I was 23 and engaged.
James: Really?
Mattie: Some fans said to me, 'If you're engaged, that's cool, but lying about your age is silly.' I was stunned.

All work and no play...

Mattie: Aren't you so glad we're in Busted? I've never found another job I like. But the worst I ever had was cutting grass for a water company around these massive open top tanks filled with human poo.
Charlie: Oh, that's minging, man.
Mattie: It gets worse. They drained all the water out of the poo and then ut it back into the system. That's why I won't drink tap water any more.
Charlie: I picked wild oats out of a field. We worked from 5am until 5pm.
James: We do that now!
Charlie: True, but this was like slave labour - the stupidest thing I've done.
Mattie: Bet it's not as stupid as this - I once roller-skated over my own hand and broke four of my fingers.
Charlie: How did you manage that?
Mattie: I used to inline skate and I was doing this trick but I lost my balance. I stuck my arms out in front of me to stop me falling and managed to skate over my own hand. They couldn't believe it at the hospital. Oh, sorry madam. A Strawberry Split, you say? That'll be 99 pence please. Yes, we charge extra for autographs..
Charlie: That's not daft. Daft is that weird thing we did on German TV.
Mattie: You'd think an acoustic performance of Year 3000 would be straightforward, but then those little dancing kids appeared..
James: There is something odd about having ten-year-olds doing ballet moves and some little kid dressed like Shakira belly dancing in front of you whilst you're trying to perform..
Mattie: What made me laugh was when the people on the show said, 'We just wanted to see if British humour was as good as they say.' I just though, 'That's not British humour, mate, that's wack.'
Charlie: If only they could see us now.

Are you a Busted BOFFIN? Take our test and find out!

1. Which Busted lad has never used a cheesy chat-up line?
a) James
b) Charlie
c) Mattie

2. Which band has James recently written songs for?
a) Sugababes
b) Backstreet Boys
c) 'N Sync

3. Which famous tune about an older woman will be one of the boys' next B-sides?
a) Mrs Robinson
b) Ms McKenzie
c) Miss Selfridge

4. Why did Busted fail to attend the BRITs?
a) They couldn't be bothered
b) Charlie lost all his trousers
c) They were working in Germany

5. Which dance move does Charlie wish he could pull?
a) The Caterpillar
b) The Running Man
c) The Moonwalk

Answers: 1:a, 2:b, 3:a, 4:c, 5:c

If you scored:
0-1: You crashed and burned - brush up on Busted, pronto!
2-3: Re-read all your copies of SH! immediately and get learning - it's what you go to school for (or something).
4-5: You're a Busted boffin and no mistake - you'll probably be a fan until the year 3000 and beyond. We salute you!