We join Busted for a saucy summer barbecue and give them a good old grilling.
WALLOP! Charlie Busted is swinging a toy snake around his head and has just whacked James in the face. OOF! With anger raging in his eyes, James wrestles Chazwick to the ground, pulling down his bandmate's Calvin Kleins to reveal his (slightly hairy) bum. CRASH! A deckchair goes flying and the barbecue nearly topples over as Charlie grabs James and sits on his head. Mattie shakes his head and laughs. 'Fancy a sausage?' he says.
Welcome to the Busted barbecue. The boys are spending their summer at a lavish mansion with a pool, flamingos and - hell - even its own hedge maze. So when Chazwick invited Smash Hits over for a burger and a natter, we knew it'd be rude not to..
So what do you need to have a knees-up, Busted-style?
James: A barbecue, definitely. And a ping-pong table..
Mattie: You also need to bring James. He's so funny - he'll leave everybody in stitches, guaranteed.
Charlie: You need to 'shoot the boot', man. That's when you drink out of your own shoe. I had a surprise 18th birthday party at a restuarant in London recently and tried it there. That party was so debauched. The police were called - some of my friends got really rowdy and started jumping up and down on top of parked cars in the street.
James: One of Charlie's mates brought this 60-year-old guy back and he started dancing with all of us. His friends are totally mad.
The barbecue's looking empty - what are you going to cook?
James: Mars bars. I'm friends with some people who own a Chinese chip shop called Joe Bamboo. I take a Mars bar in there and they batter it for me.
Mattie: King prawns. I bought some alligator burgers from our local supermarket, but they were grim.
Charlie: That's too weird. It's got to be burgers or sausages for me, mate.
You've made friends with the flamingos today. Have you got any pets?
James: I had some sea monkeys earlier this year, but they died. I was sad. I went away for ages and when I came back they were dead. I thought about getting some more, but I don't think I was a very good father. I'm too irresponsible.
Have you ever had a party at home while your parents were away?
Mattie: Yeah.. my friends broke the banister! When my folks found out, I got grounded. My stepdad was a milkman, so they always went to bed early. It was really easy for me to climb out the window and sneak off out as soon as they were asleep.
Charlie: At boarding school we used to have curfews, which meant all the lights had to be out by 10.30pm. But we always used to mess around and have parties called 'bops' where we had secret agent theme nights and rock star evenings.
What's been your worst injury after a night out?
Mattie: I woke up after a night out with a broken toe. It's still broken now. The doctor told me to keep weight off of it for six weeks. I was like, 'But I jump around for a living.'
Did you have any good parties on your recent tour?
Charlie: Yeah, loads of them. All my friends came up to Manchester. We didn't go to sleep, and at 7.30am I dared one of my mates to strip off naked and swim in the canal. He ripped all his clothes off and dived into this canal full of ****. Then we went and spent something like £125 on a massive breakfast.
James: In the hotel we would always put a tab behind the bar. The bill would usually come to anything between £1,500 and £3,000 every night.
Blimey! That's quite flash. So what's it like being filthy rich?
James: It's great, actually. When you go shopping in a supermarket you don't have to worry about how much it's going to cost. And you can send people flowers when you want to. It makes life very easy.
Charlie: It's all good. But did you know that I had my new Porsche for just one day before it go broken into? They smashed all the windows and stole my brother's phone as well. I was really gutted - there are so many ********* in the world.
Speaking of cash, has Miss McKenzie been in touch demanding royalty cheques yet?
Mattie: Yeah! We had a party after the Hammersmith show and I invited her along. She was so chuffed to have a song written about her.
Charlie: Her real name's Michelle and she's still a science teacher today. It was funny - Mattie, you were just squirming, mate. We were going to call our first album In Bed With Miss McKenzie. I'm glad we didn't now.
Charlie - you posed in a crucifix-style every night on tour. Who do you think you are, Jesus?
Charlie: My brother and my dad were really offended by it - they're properly religious and got really upset. But I wasn't trying to copy Jesus - I was copying Jack from Titanic.
Did any of you manage to get a tour snog?
Mattie: You know what? I honestly didn't snog anyone on the tour. I had the chance to loads of times, but I wasn't really up for it.
James: My last snog was with a girl from my hometown not so long ago.
Mattie: Girls are weird. This girl came up to me the other day and said, 'I'm not being funny, but you've got the most amazing bone structure I've ever seen.' I didn't know what to say.
Has the Prime Minister congratulated you for bringing school uniforms back into fashion?
Charlie: No. And if he approached us to front a new anti-truancy campaign we wouldn't accept.
How much do you love the 'Teds? [Busted fans - that's you lot - Ed]?
James: The 'Teds are wicked. Even the ones who throw Jaffa Cakes on stage that hit me in the chest.
Mattie: You can always spot a 'Ted - they're so distinctive. When we got to the first venue on the tour, I looked out the window and was just speechless. There were queues and queues of girls, and they were all dressed up. I love customising clothes, and our fans do a good job of customising school uniforms and making them look cool.
Charlie: They have rude banners, though. One said: 'Show Us Your *******' [Er.. 'bits' - Ed]. Shocking, isn't it?
James: The 'Teds have started to take off around the world. We're visiting Japan this month - the fans out there will be wearing school uniforms, too.
Everybody loves Busted now, don't they?
Charlie: Not everyone. I do get **** when I go to indie gigs. When I went to see Zwan (Smashing Pumpkins star Billy Corgan's new band), someone gave me a piece of paper with '****' written on it. And then I had a bit of a feud with Aerogramme (scary metal band). I saw them perform in Nottingham and everyone started shouting, 'We hate Busted.' Then the singer said, 'I ******* hate Busted,' from the stage. I'm a dedicated fan of rock music and I was really upset, but they apologised afterwards.
James: It doesn't matter how cool you are, you'll always get stick. Even Liam Gallagher gets beaten up.
You're going to be recording your new album in LA - reckon you'll crack America?
Charlie: We're touring there next May. If we crack America, that's it. There's nowhere else for us to go after that.
Mattie: I'm scared. You have to stay on a bus for months and play in every town.
What's more important - fit girls or music?
Charlie: Honestly, that is the hardest question I've ever been asked in my life. I have to have music all the time, but I couldn't live without girls, either. I'd go totally insane.
Mattie: Music. You could live with an OK girl and music, but you couldn't live with the most beautiful girl in the world without music.
Nicola Girls Aloud asks you to dance at a disco, but you say no. Why?
Charlie: I can't say, 'Because she's ginger.' Erm.. because she's rude.
Mattie: I'd like to clear the air with her. I saw her last night. Things are still a bit screwed. I'd like to tell her that I rant sometimes and say stupid things.
Charlie: I don't think Mattie regrets calling Nicola a minger because he gets so many people saying, 'I totally agree with you.' They're nice girls, but Nicola was and still is rude about us. But Cheryl's fit. I've seen them a couple of times - they're fine, but only to my face.
Mattie: I read in the papers that Nicola stayed at my place until 4am the other day, which is complete poo. But we're cool now. We don't have a problem with each other.
Who are your celeb pals?
James: Charlie's good friends with Darius. They exchanged numbers.
Charlie: (Appalled) James! My celebrity friend isn't Darius! He's a cheesemonger! He asked for my number once. Ignore James' answer.
Mattie: We get on well with Kym Marsh.
Charlie: She's gorgeous.
Mattie: I know Lee Blue from school. James Triple Eight went there as well. We both have the same sense of humours - we love Alan Partridge and The Office.
Charlie: Lee Blue's a good laugh, but he did put a dead fish's head in our dressing room in Sheffield which ****** me off. It made me feel sick.
Mattie: He's great at rhyming slang. He always says, 'Spanish, mate!' instead of goodbye. I never knew what it meant and used to get really confused. In the end I asked him and he said, 'It's Spanish waiter - later.'
Who would play Busted in a film of your life?
Charlie: Edward Norton would play me and Jim Carrey would play James..
James: No! I'd like Macaulay Culkin to play me. I met him once and felt like asking him if he wanted to go for a drink. He seems to live a lonely life. I think Billy from Eastenders would play Matt because they both look alike. And obviously Hugh Grant would have to play Charlie.
Mattie: Billy from Eastenders? Actually, I think Jude Law would play me.
Do you see yourself doing scissor kicks and gurning when you're all crinkly pensioners?
James: Well, how old is Mick Jagger these days? He's still havin' it and he's about 60-years-old, isn't he? Busted just wouldn't be Busted without that ****.
Mattie: I hope we're still jumping around on stage like a bunch of maniacs in 20 years and that people are still enjoying it.
Could you be Busted's summer sizzler?
Could you get it on with Busted? Take our quiz and find out..
You're sunbathing on a beach with James and he suggests you do an 'eskimo roll'. What can he mean?
A. Let's stuff freshly-harpooned seal meat into a tasty warm bap
B. Let's smoke an Eskimo out of his igloo and push him down a hill
C. It's a surfing term, silly. It means getting through a broken wave
How is Sir Chazwick most likely to spend his summer?
A. Trout fishing in the Thames
B. Scouring the internet for stamps to add to his collection
C. Tanning himself on a yacht on the Cayman Islands alongside three models and a friend called Tarquin
At which festival are you likely to bump into Mattie?
A. Glyndebourne Festival 2003 (they've got some absolutely spiffing Wagner and Puccini sonatas this year)
B. The Save The Land Stoat HippieFest. Dreadlocks essential
C. The annual Air Guitar Championships in Brighton
How would Busted travel to their holiday destinations?
A. With Cheeky Airways
B. On a pogo stick, stopping frequently 'cause they're knackered
C. In a time machine, just like the one they used in Year 3000 (except for Mattie, who'll get there on his trusty Lambretta moped)
Mostly As: Silly sausage! You're more like Busted's summer drizzler! Carry a brolly at all times
Mostly Bs: Fishy.. are you a Blazer in disguise? You could rock the boys' world - brush up on your scissor kicks and you'll be in there
Mostly Cs: Mustard! You're so hot the boys need a cold shower just looking at you. Line up for your snog!