Clunk, click.. Busted are in the nick! After a lengthy manhunt and hours of surveillance, we've finally hauled in these main pop offenders for a thorough going over!

[please note I am typing this up as it is in the magazine - I am fully aware that the top lines for Matt and James are the wrong way around]

SUSPECT POP 13/09/83
PARTICULARS
Full name: Matthew Jay Willis
Alias: I used to be called Scrumpy by my brother's mates when I was younger, cos I was younger and smaller than all of them!
Distinguishing marks: I have a mole beneath my right nostril, a star tattoo on my right hand - it's nothing witchy-woo, not witchcraft, honest! - and a scar on the back of my right hand.
Height: 1.8m, I think.
Natural hair colour: Dark brown.
Contents of pockets: A tenner, a wallet where there's cards and more money, and lots of receipts! I keep all my receipts.. look, there's ones for Sainsbury's. You never know when you're going to need them. Oh, and there's a CD that a fan, a mad, woman fan, gave me last night.
Status: I'm not single, I'm attached.
Your one phone call would be to: My manager, Fletch, cos he'd be able to call everybody else. And he could afford to sort my ball out, too!

SUSPECT ROCK 07/06/85
PARTICULARS
Full name: Charlie Robert Simpson
Alias: Simo.
Distinguishing marks: Scars on my wrist from putting my hand through a window. It just made a hole in my wrist, then it started bleeding - I could see the purple of my veins! My mum just taped it up tight so I don't think I had stitches or anything.
Enough, Mr Simpson. Height: 1.93m.
Natural hair colour: Dark blond. When I was younger, I had naturally light-blond hair. I haven't dyed it in a while but when I went on holiday it went lighter in the sun.
Contents of pockets: Keys, phone, no cash. In my wallet I have my driving licence, NUS card, two credit cards and a cinema receipt. And as I was running late, I brought my iPod but forgot my headphones!
Status: Girlfriend, Camilla. Been seeing her on and off for four and a bit years.
Your one phone call would be to: My parents, probably. They're wise and would know what to do.

SUSPECT PUNK 08/05/83
PARTICULARS
Full name: James Elliot Bourne
Alias: Jim and (in an American accent) Pocket! It's a long story and I really can't explain it, believe me. My mate calls me Pocket!, and I call him Pocket!, too. Make sure there's an exclamation after it.
Distinguishing marks: A mole on my neck, at the bottom on the right. (Revealing it) That's it. No tattoos or piercings.
Height: I don't know. It's 1.78m, I think.
Natural hair colour: It's fair. I was blond as a kid, then it became a little bit darker when I grew up. But now I just do crazy stuff to it.
Contents of pockets: Money! There's a ten-pound note and some manky, used tissues cos I've got a bit of a cold. Oh, and I have my front door key, too.
Status: Attached. I'm double right now, instead of being single.
Your one phone call would be to: Michael Jackson, cos he'd be able to shed some light on the situation.

DETAINEE BOURNE

Right, Bourne, we need you to name your pop accomplices.
My real friends in pop are McFly cos they're like our actual friends - we knew them before they were big. I knew all four of them even before Busted were big.

We've had an anonymous tip-off that you've wantonly vandalised property. Explain.
At school I did damage to a few things. You know the desks that have the lift-up tops? I used to push mine so hard that it came off its hinges. But loads of people did it!

Now, about the hard stuff. Confess the last time you stole something!
I was really young, about six. I told this shop guy that I had 50p worth of penny sweets in the bag but I knew I had more. I was so paranoid for weeks after, every time I heard a siren, I got scared!

Tell us about your anti-social behaviour - wearing underwear for more than one day perhaps?
Oh, I've gone a long time without changing my pants! I don't change my socks for a week sometimes. Being a pop superstar changes you life in ways, but it's not about being able to afford to change your pants, is it? It's about sheer laziness and being able to wear the same ones now I live by myself in my own house. If I don't wanna change my pants, I don't have to.

Ever shown a bad attitude towards your siblings, Bourne?
The nastiest thing I ever did was by accident. I was just kicking the air without looking and my little brother was like two, and he'd just started walking. He just walked round the corner and I kicked him by mistake. Then he got all unstead, tottered around and fell over. It wasn't funny, but remembering it is quite funny!

No remorse, Bourne.. interesting. When did you last actually feel guilty about something?
I don't know. What do you mean, we never got Charlie a birthday present? Oh, I feel bad now, ha-ha! I don't know what we'll do to make it up to him. That's bad - no-one told me. It's everyone's job to remind me, I don't have a diary!
RELEASED! You're free to go

DETAINEE SIMPSON

We need the truth! When was the last time you damaged someone else's property?
Well, er, I'm very accident-prone. I knocked the wing mirror off someone's car the other day! I always leave notes though. I got a dent in my Porsche once and I was like, 'You (bleep)!' cos they hadn't left a note.

Mmm, but reliable eye witnesses report boy-racer-type activity.
No, I never speed cos I'd hate to lose my licence. It is annoying though because my car can go very fast! But I did crash into a gatepost once in my first car. It's ridiculous to have a five-mile-an-hour crash and make such a big dent!

Any crimes you'd like to confess to in the skanky pants department?
Three days is the longest I've ever worn the same pants. I'd been getting to bed late and getting up early. So when I got up, I just got into what I took off!

For the record, please reveal the most unsavoury place you've thrown up?
Over my friend's mum! It was at this really posh do in London at the Titanic club and she was waiting to take us home. She was like, 'Come on!' Then I just chucked up on her! I was about 17.

Have you ever been reprimanded for your cringeful crimes?
My mum used to carry a ruler in the car and when we were messing about in the back she'd whack us with it! Or we'd be on the back seat and mum would take a wooden spoon and put it in the glove compartment, as a threat, cos we argued so much!

We'll show lenience with you, Mr S, if you name the naughtiest Busted member?
Matt. he really doesn't give a (bleep) - but then, there are times when none of us give a (bleep)! If he wants to do something, Matt just does it. The most outrageous thing he did was throwing a TV out of a window. I was asleep at the time so I'm blameless, but I just didn't believe it. It could have landed on someone but he didn't think.
BAILED! Pending further investigation

DETAINEE WILLIS

Willis, we're now going to give you the opportunity to clear your conscience of any mucky misdemeanours.
I once puked into my sleeve! I was in a really, really posh club, and didn't want to let anyone see that I was being sick, so I pulled my sleeve open, stuck my mouth in it and went, 'Bleurgh!' Then I just went into the toilets and washed the sleeve out in the sink. I still can't wear the jacket cos it smells so badly of puke and the sleeve's all stiff! Can you dry-clean leather?

We need to match evidence with the other suspects, Mr Willis, so who would you say is the naughtiest in Busted?
I'd have to say that I'm the naughtiest. The others are good boys. Although James can be quite evil and Charlie can sometimes be a bit bolshy, grumpy and impatient. I'm the one who James would whisper to and say, 'Go on, set the fire hose off. Go on. Go on, mate, go on!' And I'd go and do it, like the muppet I am!

OK, your stories match. But to settle things once and for all, what's the worst telling off you've ever had?
I have really curly hair and the tufty ear bits really curl out and do my head in. It was coming up for school photo time so I cut my hair - I ended up with bald patches and had to have my head shaved. My mum said it ruined my face. She couldn't even look at me and I was there with a skinhead, loving it!

To help us assess your innocence, we need to know the nastiest thing you've ever done.
I threw a beehive at somebody! This guy was putting down my mates and stuff, so I lost my rag, grabbed a big stick and poked it in this beehive. Then I ran up to him with it - it hit him in the chest and all the bees went everywhere!
CHARGED! Lock him up