'That's the most putrid, repugnant thing I've ever had. The vulgarity of it all!'
'The intelligent educated one? Why? Do I seem stupid?'
'Don't you think James is turning into a surfer kid?'
'Actually, it would be good to have one of those proddy things.'
[singing with a Gareth Gates mask on] 'Ohhhhh, my love! Sorry, I gotta go...'
[about Nicola Girls Aloud] 'She is rude and her manager is an IDIOT!'
[about Louis Walsh] 'He needs to eat his own shit, that's what he needs to do. I wanna smack him.'
[about Girls Aloud dolls] 'Listen, they're making 15000 of each of the other girls, and only 7000 of Nicola cause she's a minger!'
'We bring in the tour moose. This, as you can see, is a chocolate moose, and if you smell the head, it smells of chocolate!'
'I don't dance, you see, I shimmy. Shimmy around with some drinks - very charming.'
'Wow, Planet Charlie - how cool would that be?! There would be no fish on my planet, but there would be lots of Britney lookalikes!'
'If I met Britney, I'd say, 'please sleep with me'. She'd probably slap me, but at least I'd have had her hand on my face.'
'I hate Britney now. She's like a dog's arse.' (this phase only lasted while she was a brunette haha)
[singing That's Entertainment] 'That's how to screw up a Jam song...'
'I wouldn't mind being Peter Pan. You could kick the shit out of pirates.'
'James uses that new fragrance called B.O.'
'Why don't we ever get really fit birds flashing their tits? Like models!'
'We open this jobby, whack a bit of that stuff in and I think you just swizzle, dont you?'
'I know its a mop - I like cleaning the walls like this!'
'James farts a lot and they smell of cheese.'
[about why they had fans in their WIGTSF video] 'We needed people who looked like they liked us.'
'I leave old bowls of cereal lying around and they go mouldy.'
'My mum walked in on me in bed with this girl. We weren't doing anything though - honest!'
[on his favourite sex position] 'Nothing special, I like it in my socks.'
'I have to say, we might end up at number three [with Year 3000]. David Sneddon's song is fucking appalling though.'
'D-Side look like girls and they appeal to five-year-olds!'
'You might need a toilet for everyone!'
'Fucking Lostprophets! I could punch every one of them. Especially the lead singer, he's a fucking arsehole.'
[about 'shooting the boot' - drinking from his shoe] 'Bits of fluff? Take it all down! Odor-Eaters? Take it all down like a man, ha-ha! Shut up and swallow!'
[about women] 'I used to wonder if they had two holes or one!'
[about a personal massager] 'This vibrates so it must be a sex toy.'
[about bendy hair rollers] 'It's a condom!'
[his thanks at the Disney Awards] 'I'd like to thank Mickey Mouse, because without him, nothing would be possible.'
'Bear, what the fuck is a gonk?!'
'Have you ever been dumped, yes I have.' *throws question card down in disgust*
'Which celebrity won't you be buying a Christmas card for? [pause] Matt.'
[about whether he's ever slept with a stuffed toy] 'What kind of sick people are you?!'
[about what a dream about having a gun held to your face while paying a taxi driver says about your life] 'That I'm scared of being held up at gunpoint while paying for a cab.'
'I saw the new Hundred Reasons album in HMV last week. I looked at it and said to myself, 'I'm not going to buy that CD.' And I didn't.'
'I once had a bag of Haribo and it was HALF COLA BOTTLES! WHAT AN ABSOLUTE SHOCKER!'
[about why putting a hat on didn't stop him being recognised] 'I suppose, hat or no hat, I did just get off the Busted tour bus.'
'You can't beat a good bench for a nice sit down. But there are none here. What an absolute shocker!'
[light heartedly] 'They asked us to sing a capella.' [puts on serious face] 'NO.'
'CRAP! Crapsticks fucking shit!'
'JAMES, you fucking miiiiiingster!'
'James, it's like a rhinocerous, man!'
'Ohhhhhhh, pantyhoes, pantyhoes, pantyhoes....'
'Curry and pizza. The most healthy food you can eat. Who eats vegetables?!'
'Hang on... I'm cooking eggs on the toilet.'
'We're in control, so sit down and SHUT UP!'